"I'm sorry, Commander. I really don't know what they want. I haven't heard anything."
They were standing in the small room that Lukas had been given aboard the Galactica. It contained a narrow bed, and a small table and chair. With two people standing on the tiny bit of floor space, it was actually quite crowded. He'd been offered better quarters, but Lukas said that he was used to spartan surroundings, would be more comfortable with a small cell. Even this room, he said, was nicer than anything he had on Deos, the Caprican moon.
"Well," Apollo said, "will you tell me if you do hear anything?"
"Of course. Do you not trust the Council, Commander?"
"It's not that, exactly," Apollo replied. "We've had our differences, and sometimes I feel that we're working at opposite purposes."
"And sometimes," Lukas said, leaning against his small table, "you feel like they're persecuting you."
"I wouldn't put it that way."
"Well, that's why you have me, to tell it like it is."
Lukas smiled, and Apollo couldn't help but smile back.
"Oh, so that's what your job is," he said. "I was never really sure."
A moment of awkward silence passed.
"Well, I better get back up top," Apollo said. "They'll be wondering what happened to me."
"Commander," Lukas said, "they're not against you, you know. But there's a very strong collective memory at work. Anyone who took over after Adama would have faced the same challenges that you are. You're feeling more pressure because when the people look at you, they're expecting to see your father. You have to assert yourself, make this command your own, not keep thinking about what Adama would have done."
"I know that," Apollo said, "and I'm trying, but I get undermined sometimes."
"You mean by Tigh. Well, remember, he doesn't just miss his commanding officer, he misses his good friend, too."
"What do you suggest I do, then?"
"Nothing," Lukas said. "He'll come around. Tigh's sensible, knows his job and where he should be expending his energies."
"I'm glad you're so confident."
"It's my specialty," Lukas said, with a mock bow.
Apollo's gaze lingered on him for a heartbeat, taking in his dark eyes and hair, and his relaxed, yet confident, stance. He's not like Starbuck, Apollo thought, then stopped himself. Don't go there, he ordered himself. There'd only be trouble.
*
Standing out in the corridor, Apollo pondered his options. Bridge, or take a wander around… Since no one was looking for him, he had to assume that everything was under control. And he was eager to go down to the troop decks, see what was going on, talk to the people he used to know so well. Relinquish the shackles of command for a short while.
Of course he was spotted as soon as he got off the turbolift, and cries of "Commander on deck!" erupted all around him. He headed to the duty office. Starbuck and Boomer scrambled to their feet, stood straight when he entered.
To Apollo, it was comical. He wasn't used to such shows of respect from them.
"What's the meaning of this, Captain Boomer?" Apollo snapped, deciding to have some fun.
Boomer hesitated. "Sir, I don't understand the question."
Apollo walked over, glared right into his eyes.
"Who do you think you're addressing, here?" he demanded.
"My Commanding Officer, Sir!"
Apollo spun around to glare at Starbuck.
"And what about you, Lieutenant. You approve of this sort of display?"
Starbuck blinked at him. "Sir, I - I -"
He broke off, squinted his eyes up at Apollo. "Your puttin' us on,"
Starbuck said. "Sir."
"Why do you say that?"
"Because you're trying not to laugh."
"Oh, I had you going," Apollo said, a wide grin spreading across his face.
"Not for one micron," Starbuck shot back. "Not even if you practiced this 'Scary Commander' act for the next hundred yahrens. We know you too well, don't we Boom-boom?"
"Uh," Boomer said, his gaze flicking from one to the other. "Yeah."
Apollo sat down, leaned back in the chair contentedly. He missed this office.
"To what do we owe the pleasure of your company, Commander?" Boomer asked.
"The name's Apollo. Just had to get off the Bridge for a while, thought I'd see what you were up to down here."
"Aw, you miss us. That's so sweet," Boomer teased.
"Captain!" An Ensign peered in. "Sir!" she exclaimed, seeing Apollo. She stepped fully into the office to salute him.
"Ensign," Apollo said.
"What is it?" Boomer asked.
"Daro from the maintenance crew needs to speak with you about the repairs to the launch tubes, Captain."
"Okay, tell him I'm on my way," Boomer said.
The Ensign saluted again, spun sharply on her heel and left. With a sigh, Boomer got to his feet.
"You know," he said, "there's an awful lot of bova shit in this job that nobody warned me about."
He clapped Apollo on the shoulder and sauntered away. Silence blanketed the office. Apollo couldn't remember the last time he'd been alone in a room with Starbuck - oh, yes, he could. When he had to explain why Boomer got promoted. That was nearly a yahren ago.
"So," Starbuck said, "how are things going up there?"
"All right, if a bit overwhelming at times."
"Well, we've got no complaints."
"Is Boomer handling everything okay?" Apollo asked.
Starbuck nodded. "Yeah, better than I could have, I think."
Apollo smiled inwardly over this admission. Starbuck wasn't going to hold the promotion against him. It was all right.
They were both thinking about the same thing: about their former closeness that had blossomed, briefly, into physical attraction.
Maybe there would have been more, but Adama's death had irrevocably separated them. Still, Apollo thought about him sometimes, thought about the feel of Starbuck's arm's around him, the softness of his lips. But now they sat here with nothing to say to each other.
"You know," Starbuck said, "if you need me for anything, just to talk, or whatever, you just have to call me."
"I know."
Apollo stood. "I sure they're wondering where I am," he said, "so I better head back."
Starbuck nodded. "Yeah, you better."
"See you later."
"Good-bye, Commander."
+++++++++++++++
"Colonel Tigh has informed us," Councillor Rebic said, "that you are forcing certain ships in this Fleet to travel under unsafe conditions. Just recently, as we ran from the enemy, it was necessary to stop due to catastrophic engine failure in two vessels. Commander, this can't continue. You're endangering lives."
"Well, surely, Councillor, you realize that we've had limited opportunities to make extensive repairs," Apollo rebutted. "I plan to stay here as long as necessary to get all ships back up to optimum condition."
"That isn't my point, Commander."
"Well, then, please tell me what it is, Councillor."
Rebic arose from his chair, began to pace and talk, as he always did when he felt his words were of the utmost importance. Apollo glanced around the table at the others, a few of whom looked just as displeased as he was about being subjected to long-winded tirade from Rebic.
"Commander," Rebic boomed, "ever since we've had to take to the skies and flee for our lives, there's been a strict maintenance schedule -"
This was all Apollo heard for certain, his thoughts wandered, and he tuned the Councillor out.
No, instead he was thinking about… Tigh.
How dare he go to the Council like this! And then feign ignorance over the subject of this meeting. Oh, Tigh knew what they wanted to talk about, all right. Another small dig, another petty annoyance arranged by the Colonel to waste Apollo's time. Another reason given to the Council not to trust him or to think he was reckless. Well, this was the last time. He'd charge Tigh with insubordination if he had to -
"…wouldn't you agree, Commander?" Rebic finished.
Apollo blinked up at him. Agree? Agree with what? He took in Rebic's superiour expression, all haughtiness glaring down at him…
"No," Apollo said, "I don't agree."
There were gasps around the table.
"Commander, do you realize what you're saying?" Rebic demanded.
Well, no, but too late now.
"This meeting is over," Apollo said, standing and turning to leave.
"Commander!"
The door slid shut behind him, suddenly silencing the uproar from the Council chamber.
"Computer," Apollo growled, heading down the corridor, "where's Tigh?"
"Colonel Tigh is in his quarters. He is on a sleep cycle."
"How convenient," Apollo muttered.
No matter how angry he was, Apollo wasn't going to barge into Tigh's quarters. He wanted the Colonel up and sharp, so they could have it out fairly. And maybe the wait would be good, anyway, would let Apollo sort out everything that had gone on between them since he took command, and what he planned to do about it.
And he'd better find out what he'd disagreed with at the Council meeting. Something pretty shocking from their expressions, but then, they'd be shocked at the sight of dust on the table.
If he and Tigh had gotten along better, Apollo would have happily delegated this responsibility to the Colonel. Tigh knew these people, understood how their minds worked, and what they were usually after. And they'd probably co-operate better with him. But Apollo couldn't quite trust what Tigh might say to the Council, so he took it on himself. In Apollo, however, the Councillors only saw the arrogant young Captain who used to crash their meetings and essentially tell them what a bunch of idiots they were. No wonder they regarded him with such hostility.
But still, Apollo thought, they made me Commander, and they have to let me run this Fleet as I see fit.
Apollo was walking with his head down, lost in his angry thoughts. He turned a corner, wasn't looking where he was going -
Next thing he knew he was being knocked back by someone hurrying in the other direction. Hands grabbed him and steadied him.
"Commander! I'm so sorry - I wasn't looking where I was going!"
It was Lukas.
"It's all right," Apollo said, regaining his balance. "I wasn't looking either."
Lukas released him, albeit a little reluctantly.
"The Council wants to see me," he said. "It's very urgent, apparently."
"Is it, now," Apollo said vaguely.
"I don't suppose you could give me a hint…"
"I would, but I really don't know they want," Apollo said, not a complete lie.
"Well, then," Lukas said with a small smile, "I expect I'll be seeing you in a little while."
"Yes, I expect so."
Lukas shook his head as he walked away, muttering: "What have you been up to, Commander?"
*
"It took some doing," Lukas said later in Apollo's quarters, "but I managed to calm them down. They were thinking that some form of temporary insanity had overtaken you."
"And what did you say?"
"Oh, I blathered on about stress and fatigue. I told them that you likely didn't even hear any of Rebic's speech, your mind being occupied by more pressing concerns."
"I'm sure Rebic didn't enjoy hearing that," Apollo said.
Lukas chuckled. "No, he didn't. But I'm not there to please them or stroke their egos."
"What, uh, what did Rebic say, anyway?" Apollo asked, looking down sheepishly.
"You weren't listening!" Lukas exclaimed triumphantly, laughing aloud. "I knew it! Apparently you said that you didn't agree with the guiding principles of this journey. Namely, the sacredness of every life here."
"Oh. Well, I promise to try and pay more attention next time," said Apollo, smiling.
Then Apollo started to laugh, at himself, and at the absurdity of it all. He couldn't help it, the laughter just took over, bringing tears to his eyes. Lukas was infected by it, too.
"I'm sorry I put you through that, Lukas," Apollo said, getting ahold of himself again.
"Well, it made you laugh, so it wasn't a complete waste of time," Lukas replied.
They just looked at each other, Apollo feeling so drawn to him, feeling honestly happy to have Lukas sitting with him in his quarters. Lukas looked away, appeared to think for a moment, then moved over closer to Apollo.
Oh no, Apollo thought as Lukas reached up to stroke his cheek. This can't happen, I can't let this happen -
Lukas leaned in and kissed him, and Apollo couldn't pull away. He closed his eyes -- it had been so long since he'd been kissed so tenderly. He was breathless when Lukas released him. The young man's dark eyes silently questioned Apollo: is that what you wanted? Did I do the right thing?
The comm broke the spell.
"Rigel to the Commander."
"Go ahead, Rigel," Apollo answered.
"Colonel Tigh is on the Bridge, Sir."
"Thank you. I'll be right there."
For a few centons, Apollo had actually forgotten about Tigh, and about the unpleasant task that lay ahead of him.
+++++++++++++++++
The Bridge crew knew something was up. All eyes turned towards him as he stepped from the turbolift. Tigh's face was completely expressionless as Apollo crossed the floor.
"Could I see you in the briefing room for a moment, Colonel?" Apollo asked quietly.
"Of course, Sir," Tigh answered, immediately getting to his feet.
"Sit down," Apollo said as the door slid shut behind them.
"I prefer to stand, Sir."
"And I prefer you sit, Colonel," Apollo said, determined not to let him get the upper hand.
Tigh complied.
"The Council tells me that you have concerns over ship repairs," Apollo said.
"There have been a few worrying incidents, Commander."
"Was it common practice during Adama's command to speak directly to the Council?"
Tigh didn't answer right away, glared up at Apollo, completely unafraid, looking to call his bluff. "Why don't you just say whatever is on your mind, Commander?"
"Okay, Tigh, we can do it that way," Apollo said, bristling. "Your behaviour is bordering on outright insubordination. One more incident whereby my command is in any way undermined by you, and I will charge you. And I will do everything in my power to see that you are stripped of your rank and your right to live on this ship. Is that clear?"
"Yes, Sir," Tigh said, the words forced out through his clenched jaw.
"I realize, Colonel, that you don't respect me the way you did my father, and I can even understand your resentment at having to report to me, but any conflict between us must be contained or we risk chaos. I will always put the people of this Fleet first, and if that means I have to remove you for being a disruptive influence, I will do it."
Apollo didn't like threatening Tigh, and hoped to God he wouldn't have to carry through on it. The Colonel's expression remained defiant.
"Do you have anything you'd like to say?" Apollo asked.
"No, Sir, your position has been made very clear."
"You're dismissed, then."
Tigh arose and hurried from the room. Apollo watched him go, feeling that nothing had really been accomplished; if anything, the level of hostility had just risen.
*
The repairs were progressing on schedule, and the fourth planet of System B-78 had ample natural resources for them to plunder. Apollo stood at an observation window, looking down at the bright blue-green world. It was mostly ocean, with volcanic islands that dotted the surface, covered in lush vegetation. Apollo stared at it, mesmorized by the swirling, ever-changing cloud patterns.
"Here you are," Lukas said, appearing beside him.
"How'd you get in here?" Apollo asked. "I locked the door."
"Oh, I know a trick or two about doors," Lukas said. "Besides, you shouldn't be hogging the view."
They stood quietly for a moment, content just to watch the planet slowly turn.
"Makes you think of home, doesn't it," Lukas said.
"A little bit."
"Where did you grow up on Caprica?"
"In Osaiya," Apollo answered, "by the Kirric Sea."
"I lived in Rehai," Lukas said, "until I went to Deos."
"I've been there," Apollo said. "In the Tylo mountains. It was a beautiful place. Deos must have been quite a shock."
"Well…I was too young to really appreciate Rehai. I was only 13 when I joined the colony on Deos."
"Really?" Apollo looked at him in surprise.
"I knew what I wanted to do," Lukas said, shrugging. "And I thought it was the right choice until I saw the Great Traitor…"
He trailed off, unable to finish the sentence.
"They probably wouldn't have listened to you anyway," Apollo said.
"Well, I'll never know, will I?"
"I know," Apollo said. He hesitated before continuing. "I know because I didn't listen to you when you warned me about my father. I didn't tell him, Lukas, I didn't believe you."
Lukas put his arm around Apollo, leaned against him.
*
No words passed between them as they went back to Apollo's quarters. Just unspoken desire to know each other completely, to explore and taste each other. They made love like old friends, moving together instinctively, each knowing what the other one wanted.
Afterwards, as they lay quietly embracing, Apollo squeezed his eyes shut to contain the tears that threatened to spill, the full force of his loneliness and isolation suddenly surfacing. He held tightly to Lukas, comforting himself with the feel of this young man in his arms.
"My poor Commander," Lukas murmured, "have you always been so sad?"
Apollo didn't answer, felt himself drifting off to sleep, Lukas kissing his hair the last thing he knew.
++++++++++++++++++
The dream had changed.
On the flickering viewscreen, in the centre of the raging battle, a red star now shone, a deep, bloody red. A new, ominous element.
*
Apollo hurried down to astrometrics, ordered all crew out of the room, and ran a search for any red stars. At the very limit of their scanner range, he found a binary system of one red star and one white, amidst a scattering of debris. Their course, he was relieved to see, wouldn't take them anywhere near it.
"Tigh to the Commander."
"Yes?"
"All ships ready to get underway, Sir. Any course changes?"
"No, same heading. You can give the order to get us moving, Colonel."
"Yes, Sir. Tigh, out."
Perhaps the threat had worked after all. There was a new civility in how Tigh addressed him, and Apollo wanted to believe this improved attitude was genuine. He'd have to wait a while and see.
There was an almost imperceptable change in the atmosphere around him, a slight, brief shimmering caused by the vast engines of the Galactica, and Apollo knew they were underway. He shut down the console he'd been working at and leaned back in the chair with a sigh. Off we go again, he thought, on this journey with no end. This is how it will be until the day I die…
He heard someone come in, sensed the hesitation behind him.
"Uh…"
It was Starbuck. Apollo spun slowly around in the chair.
"Hey," he said.
"Commander," Starbuck said. "Uh, the computer told me you were in here."
"Is this an official conversation?"
"Well, no."
"Then drop the 'Commander' part. Sit down. What's on your mind?"
Starbuck pulled a chair over and lowered himself into it. He looked down at his hands for a moment, thinking about what he wanted to say.
"Apollo, we've been friends for a long time," he began, "and despite whatever's gone on over the last yahren, I don't think that's really changed."
Starbuck glanced up, then down again. Apollo waited for him to continue, neither agreeing nor disagreeing, made uneasy by his seriousness.
Starbuck sighed. "It's just - I'm…concerned…about this Special Advisor to you and the Council."
"What about him?"
"Well, for one thing, he just came out of nowhere. We really don't know anything about him, and suddenly he has all this power. And I know you're going to say that he hasn't steered us wrong, but we are very vulnerable, Apollo."
"I hear what you're saying," Apollo replied, "and I'm staying objective on the subject of Lukas. He won't do anything without my knowing about it."
"Are you objective?" Starbuck asked.
"Yes. And maybe for once we're getting a little help. I know it's hard to conceive of after everything we've been through, but God knows I'm open to the possibility."
"What are you doing down here, anyway?" Starbuck asked, abruptly changing the subject.
"Just having a look at the way ahead," Apollo answered smoothly.
"Anything interesting on the horizon?"
"No, just stars, stars, and more stars."
Starbuck studied him for a moment, the same gaze he used when sizing up a Pyramid apponent, and Apollo realized what this whole conversation had actually been about.
It had been about lies; who was telling them, and who was believing them. Starbuck kind of nodded to himself and got to his feet.
"I meant what I said before," he said, "about if you ever wanted to talk to me about anything…"
"I'll keep it in mind."
"Thanks for your time, Commander - or, I mean, Apollo."
"No problem."
Starbuck gave him one last look before he turned away, like he sought some affirmation of their continued friendship. It wasn't forthcoming, however, for Apollo just smiled coolly up at him.
*
"All systems functioning normally, Commander," Rigel said as Apollo stepped onto the Bridge. "No problems being reported from anywhere in the Fleet."
"That's good news," Apollo said, smiling down at her. "Thank you, Rigel."
Tigh got up from the command seat.
"Stay there, Colonel. I think, if I'm not needed for anything, I might actually go for a run."
Tigh's eyebrows went up a little, registering his disapproval of the Commander's absence from the Bridge.
"As you wish, Sir," he said. "All is running smoothly."
"Then you have the Bridge, Colonel."
Apollo stepped back into the turbolift, directed it down 22 decks. He stepped off into an empty corridor and hurried along it, coming to a door. Before he could even knock, he heard, "Come in," from inside.
They'd never made love in Lukas' small room before. The prospect of it, coupled with the lie he told to Tigh and everyone else on the Bridge within earshot, raised the excitement level for Apollo. They quickly shed their clothes, and Apollo pushed Lukas back onto the narrow bed, and lay on top of him, Apollo's mouth pressing down on Lukas', tongue pushing inside. Lukas wrapped his legs around Apollo, pulled him in close, making them both gasp.
"What did you tell them?" Lukas whispered.
"That I was going for a run."
"Risky."
"Well," Apollo said, nipping his ear, "I'll still go back exhausted and sweaty."
It was rough this time. Lukas resisted being submissive, his dark eyes gleaming mischieviously, daring Apollo to force him. And Apollo did, the blood pounding through his veins, on that narrow bed he forced Lukas down onto his face, twisting his arms, grabbing his neck and hair. Even when Lukas said, "You're hurting me," Apollo didn't care. This was what he wanted, and he was going to take it. He thrust hard into Lukas, hearing the young man cry out in pain, but still Apollo didn't stop. He couldn't, was driven by blind, selfish aggression, knew nothing except his building climax. He came, and the world around him went momentarily white, as it always did during the very best sex.
He lay down beside Lukas and closed his eyes. He could hear the laboured breathing beside him, half-opened his eyes again to look over at his lover.
"You all right?" Apollo asked.
"Yes," Lukas said softly.
"Sorry if I hurt you," Apollo said, closing his eyes once more.
Lukas didn't answer, but the corner's of his mouth twitched, wanting to smile over this false apology. Apollo wasn't sorry, quite the opposite. He liked it, would do it again if given the opportunity.
*
Troy was hovering by the door to the commander's quarters when Apollo returned. Apollo felt a slight twinge of irritation at seeing the boy, for he really just wanted to have a shower and go through the status reports that had begun to pile up. But he put a smile on his face and greeted him heartily enough, ushering him inside.
"What's up?" Apollo asked.
Troy looked down at his feet, shifted his weight back and forth.
"Why can't I live here?" he blurted out finally. "Why do I have to live with Athena?"
Apollo froze, taken completely by surprise.
"You, uh, not getting along with Athena?" he asked.
"No, it's okay," Troy replied, still looking down. "I'd just rather be here."
Apollo didn't know what to say, except that he had to tell Troy 'no', no matter how much it was going to hurt.
"Troy," Apollo said, "I'm only trying to do what's best for you. And that's living with Athena. Besides, I though you were happy with her."
The boy shoved his hands in his pockets, making tight little fists.
"It's not the same," he said.
"I know it isn't. But even if you lived here, you'd still be with her most of the time. You wouldn't see me any more than you do now."
"But I'm in school all day," Troy protested. "I wouldn't be here much either."
"I know," Apollo said gently. "But when you are home, you need someone to look after you. It has to be Athena."
Troy sniffled, swallowed, trying to be angry instead of hurt, but losing the battle. Apollo just stood there, knowing the ties between them were slowly and painfully being severed, but powerless to stop it.
"I wish my mom was here," Troy said.
"So do I."
"She'd get to live here, wouldn't she?" he asked, looking up at Apollo sharply.
"Well - yes," Apollo stammered, seeing the trap that was being laid for him. "But she wouldn't need looking after. She'd be an adult."
Troy nodded, sniffled again.
"And then you wouldn't have given me away," he said.
"I didn't give you away!"
"Yeah, right, Dad."
Apollo's sense of detachment grew with every passing moment. He looked down at this child that he - loved? - and all he could think about was the work awaiting him, and how he'd like to get started.
"Athena's probably wondering where you are," Apollo said.
Those grey-green eyes - betrayed now, cold and distant. No more tears for the boy, just acceptance. Without a word, Troy turned away. He hesitated at the door, as if he hoped to be called back again, but Apollo had already virtually forgotten about him, had picked up a datapad from the desk and was glancing over it. He didn't see Troy leave.