You who are on the road,
Must have a code
That you can live by.
And so become yourself
Because the past is just a good-bye.
Teach your children well,
Their fathers' hell
Will slowly go by.
And feed them on your dreams;
The one they pick's the one you'll know by.
Don't you ever ask them why.
If they told you, you would cry.
So just look at them and sigh.
And know they love you.
And you of tender years,
Can't know the fears,
That your elders grew by.
So feed them on your dreams;
The one they pick's the one you'll know by.
Don't you ever ask them why.
If they told you, you would cry.
So just look at them and sigh.
And know they love you.
***
Why was that ancient Earth song running through his head? Must be because of the odd conversation he'd just had with Box - Troy. Apollo shook his head. His son had been Troy for five yahrens, or six years he reminded himself, now. His conversations with Troy had always been odd, he reflected, even when he was still Boxey and taking into account that he was a child. But tonight's conversation was even odd by Troy-conversation standards. He replayed it mentally.
***
"Hey, Dad, got a minute?" Troy asked coming into Apollo's office area without waiting to be invited.
"Sure, son, have a seat. I'll just be a centon."
"Minute, Dad. 'I'll just be a minute.' We're on Earth now, remember?" Troy perched on the edge of Apollo's desk, making it virtually impossible for him to continue working.
"Fine," Apollo said, irritated. "I'll just be a minute. And that minute will start when you let me regain my train of thought."
"Derailed you, huh?" Troy grinned.
Apollo sighed and gave up. "What can I help you with?"
"Done so soon?"
The innocent raised eyebrows might have been inherited from Starbuck, he did them so perfectly, Apollo thought wistfully. The ache in his abdomen when he thought about Starbuck, however peripherally, was still there. 'I should go down to the Academy and see him,' he thought, knowing he wouldn't. He tried to look stern and raised one of his own eyebrows in query.
Troy slid into the guest chair next to the desk and turned instantly serious. "Dad, are you happy?"
"Is this what you need to talk to me about? My emotional state? I'm ... content. Yes, I'd say I'm very content with the way things are."
Troy grimaced. "First of all, I asked if you were happy, not content. I know you're content."
"Of course I am. The Cylons have been defeated; we've found and settled on and around Earth; we've reestablished our culture and educational systems..."
"And in the second place," Troy continued speaking over what threatened to be a laundry list of "things we should be thankful for", "No, that's not what I want to ask you about." He grinned sheepishly. "It was just an attempt to open the conversation."
Apollo nodded his understanding and pushed back his chair, settling more comfortably.
Troy recognized the motion as his father's way of preparing for a lengthy interruption and chuckled to himself. "Anyway, the reason I asked whether you were happy is, well, you've been alone since Mom died, and I wondered why."
'Not as alone as you think,' Apollo answered silently. His actual response was quite different. "That wasn't on purpose. I guess I never found another woman who could measure up." 'Well, that's the literal truth; the fact that I wasn't interested in a woman is besides the point,' he thought with satisfaction at his verbal ruse.
"Well, at least you didn't Seal with Sheba," Troy said agreeably. Apollo grimaced and Troy laughed. "But don't you ever get lonely?"
"I have friends," Apollo said brusquely. "And I have dated on occasion."
"Yeah, I know," Troy said hesitantly. "I guess I'm not asking the right question. I mean, when Uncle Starbuck was around, I didn't give it any thought. It was almost like when Mom was around." He watched Apollo closely from beneath his lashes as he pretended to inspect his fingernails.
Apollo toyed with a stylus, trying to think of an answer. Troy was entirely too perceptive, always had been. Starbuck had always told him, "Listen to the kid, Apollo; he knows more than you do." Starbuck had usually been right. Starbuck.
Apollo sighed. "Starbuck and I were best friends. He was always there for me." 'So how come you're not there for him?' he asked himself.
"So you weren't lonely 'cause Uncle Starbuck was with you?" Troy asked, choosing ambiguous words carefully.
"Uh, yeah, something like that," Apollo stammered, feeling his cheeks grow hot.
"Did you ever, uh, wish you and Starbuck could really be a couple; I mean like you and Mom were?"
Apollo choked. "I ... we ... it isn't ... your grandfather would never have ... " He took a deep breath. "Why are you asking me this?" he demanded, then immediately wondered if he really wanted to hear the answer.
Troy grinned again. "I'm asking because I have a very close friend - and I've been wondering if you have to Seal with a woman and have kids to be happy."
"Oh." Apollo didn't know what to say beyond that. "I was happiest when Starbuck and I were together."
"I thought so," Troy said smugly.
"I didn't - no, I didn't say that out loud, did I?" Apollo asked in a horrified whisper.
"Yes, you did. But it's okay, Dad. That's exactly what I wanted to know. Thanks." He stood up and headed for the door.
"That's it?" Apollo asked, bewildered.
"Pretty much. Thanks." He stepped into the doorway, then turned back again. "You and Grandfather ought to have this talk when he and Uncle Tigh get back from scouting out their retirement home. They've been together since before the Destruction. He told me Grandma Ila was okay with it as long as they left it on-board the ship when they came planetside." With that parting shot, he exited.
***
"Were you feeding me your dreams, Troy, or showing me which of mine you'd picked?" Apollo mused, the lyrics of the old classic still echoing in his mind. He rolled the chair back to the desk to return to work, then abruptly changed his mind. Refusing to give his usual studied consideration to the sudden urge he had, he shrugged on his jacket and strode onto the bridge, calling to Omega to have his personal shuttle ready by the time he reached the shuttle bay. In answer to Omega's query as to destination, he replied, "The New Academy."
As the doors closed behind Apollo, Omega smiled over at Troy, who was emerging from the shadows. "I believe the Commander may have understood your message after all, Captain," he said.