They said his name was Starbuck
He flew through the stars for many a long light year
Oh Starbuck was dashing, Starbuck was daring-
And by all the Lords of Kobol
That Starbuck was queer
They say he loved his best friend
The great Captain Apollo
Who stood by his side through danger and fear
And everyone knew he loved his Apollo-
Everyone but his lover so dear
Oh, Starbuck loves Apollo,
But Apollo just can't tell
Though everyone he meets says
"You're as dense as hell!"
'Cause Starbuck loves Apollo
As more than just a friend
So he schemes and he plots
To get Apollo in his bed
Once there was a party, and Starbuck said "Aha!
I'll take this chance to strut my stuff
And show him what I've got!"
Oh he pranced and he preened
And he danced across the floor
And Captain Apollo walked right out the door.
Starbuck got a girlfriend,
Thinking jealousy might work
He made sure to tell Apollo-
And nothing did occur
So Starbuck went with Cassie, praying all the day
"Please, dear Lords of Kobol, make her go away!"
Oh, Starbuck loves Apollo,
But Apollo just can't tell
Though everyone he meets says
"You're as dense as hell!"
'Cause Starbuck loves Apollo
As more than just a friend
So he schemes and he plots
To get Apollo in his bed.
And then one day bad luck caught them at last
Starbuck saved Apollo, but his Viper went down fast
He crashed to the surface of the planet below
And Apollo followed after, all the way howling NOOOoooOOOO
When he reached Starbuck's Viper
He looked fearfully inside
Starbuck wasn't moving and Apollo sat down and cried
"Say it isn't so, my Starbuck- you just can't be dead!
Because I've finally realized you're more than just a friend!"
He bent down to kiss those soft lips goodbye...
And Starbuck jumped up with a laugh
Saying, "It's about frackin' time!"
Oh, Starbuck loves Apollo
But Apollo couldn't tell
Took a crisis to shake him up and now he's horny as hell
Betcha didn't know it, but Starbuck's getting laid
'Cause Apollo finally figured it out on this day